I’m feeling a slight bit weepy today. Blame it on hormones. Blame it on lack of sleep. Blame it on not having Noah Sage the past three weeks and not seeing him for two. Every little thing is making me my eyes leak today. Since it won’t stop, I’m going to embrace this mood; I’m going to wrap my mental arms around it and give it a big ol’ hug. I’m going to allow myself this opportunity to completely express emotions that, sometimes, I just don’t know how to express. At 39, I still struggle with allowing myself a good cry instead of filtering my emotions and managing to let them leak out as anger instead of whatever they really are. I try to really make it a point to cry in front of Noah but sometimes I almost feel like I don’t know how. Always a work in progress, we are.
Right now I want to hug that little man so hard that his eyes pop out. I have three more weeks until that happens. Actually, 20 days to be exact. So, instead, I keep pouring over photos from our amazing time together in Colorado before he went to his dad’s. Photo editing is interrupted by images of blue skies and blue eyes. Work e-mails are delayed while I daydream of being back in the mountains with Noah, not just visiting and playing, but one day for good. It’s where we feel the happiest, it’s where our hearts smile the most, and I know that is where we belong. But until that day comes, I will reminisce, brainstorm and daydream. Until that day comes, I will continue to revel in the fact that this amazing son of mine is growing into a young man who loves, honors and respects Mother Nature much in the same ways that I do, and I know that he and I both embrace the idea of being where we feel most at home in our hearts.